Football!!!
Appropriately enough for a World Cup month - this final story from the ~Congo is about football. It is my very favourite of all the stories I was told when I was over there. It’s got everything - humour, rivalry, drama, the lot. Except perhaps for an ending that might be suitable for youngsters. Of course there was the conversation at the end as to how things might have ended better, so the story session itself was a hopeful one.
Anyway - enjoy! The monkeys and the bonobos have a match.
The monkeys invited the bonobos to a football match, and the bonobos agreed. The big match was to be held in the garden of the horse, with the horse as the referee.
When match day came, animals for miles around came to watch - it was the biggest thing for years. No one was sure who was going to win, because the two teams were evenly matched except for two things. First - the monkeys had a brilliant striker. His skill on the ball was exceptional, no one had ever seen anything like it before. Once he got the ball at his feet, no one could stop him. And when he struck for goal! That ball went like a cannonball and ninety-nine times out of a hundred, it was dead on target.
But the bonobos had a player of their own to match the monkey striker in skill - their goalkeeper. That bonobo goalkeeper seemed to have more arms than an octopus. No matter how accurately the ball was struck, and no matter where it was headed in the goal, he caught it every time as easily as if he was throwing a ball up and down in his hands.
Everything was ready. The pitch was laid out, the grass freshly mown. The crowd gathered expectantly but excitedly around the pitch. Who was going to win the day? No one could be sure.
The whistle blew - the match began!
Well, things went exactly as expected. The monkeys did everything they could to get the ball to their invincible striker. As s soon as he had the ball, there was no stopping him. He was dodging, weaving, feinting, running past the confused bonobos as if they were children on a play break - right up to the goal mouth. Then, he struck! Cannonball! But every time he did, the bonobo goalkeeper reached out a lazy hand and stopped the ball as if he was catching a balloon blowing towards him. Then he’d kick the ball forward way over the half way line, and the whole thing would begin all over again.
The crowd was thrilled at this wonderful display, but come half time it w3as still no score. There simply was no way of getting the ball past that bonobo keeper. The players however were beginning to get fractious, and n the second half, the frustrated Bonobos committed a minor foul. Penalty! At last! Surely the monkey striker couldn’t miss this.
He took his time. Lined up the ball. Inspected the turf for wedges and bumps. Th bonobo keeper was watching closely - he’d saved dozens of penalties before, but this monkey had a level of skill he’d never seen before. He was going to have to make the save of his life to pull this one off. At last the monkey striker was ready. He ran up to the ball. He feinted left ... he feinted right! Which way was was he going to go? At last he ran up and kicked the ball, hard, fast and low. The bonobo keeper, in a mighty effort to safe the impossible, launched himself in two directions at once - and split himself two right down the middle! The monkey had sent the ball straight down the centre - and bang! The first goal of the match was scored!
Well, things started to get out of hand. The bonobo keeper had to be carried off the pitch on two separate stretchers. The bonobos claimed a foul but the monkeys said how could it be a foul when no one even touched him? Both sides appealed, who got scared by the noise and ran away. Eventually the match got going again, but by now everyone’s tempers were frayed. Without their wonderful goalkeeper, the bonobos were doomed. The monkey striker scored goal after goal - 5 nil ... - 10 nil ... 15 nil! The bonobos in their rage committed a really nasty foul on the monkey striker, who got carried off the pitch himself, unable to go on.
The bonobos were able to pull the match back a little now, but it was two late. The final score wads a humiliating 15 - 3, and the match ended with many hoots of derision and minor scuffles breaking out. The monkeys headed for home, whooping through the trees, celebrating loudly. But ... .the poor injured monkey striker couldn’t keep up, even though he was the hero of the hour. The hoots and shouts of his teammates faded into the distance as he fell further and further bback ... but from behind came another noise ... the sound of the bonobos following him. Closer and closer they got, and last caught up with him, alone, vulnerable, injured. They beat him up, beat him up again and finally, when he was finally dead - they ate what was left.
So - don’t forget, this story demands of the reader or listener that you try to think of ways in which things might have ended better. For instance - get a decent ref! Or … remember it’s only a game.
Any other suggestions?
